Destiny Beliefs Affect the Outcome of Romantic Relationships

Hailey Tonda
CMST& 210 Interpersonal Communication, Green River College
Carel Neffenger, Instructor
March 19, 2023

Maintaining relationships are an essential part of making sure a relationship has a long-term outcome. In the topic of relationships, there are two common beliefs, destiny beliefs and growth beliefs. Destiny beliefs are those of individuals who believe that relationships either succeed or fail because two people are inherently compatible or not. More specifically, they believe that individuals are either made for each other or they’re not. Growth beliefs are those of individuals who believe that relationships can be maintained, and problems can be overcame. This means that individuals fight for their relationship and want to see it grow, so they maintain it. If a person wants a long-term relationship that is satisfying to both individuals, there needs to be a use of maintenance behaviors, (Wrench et al, 2020). To maintain a relationship, you need to use maintenance behaviors. Those are positivity, openness, assurances, networks, and sharing tasks. Positivity is communicating with your partner in a happy and supportive manner. Openness is when partners focus their communication on the relationship and how it is going. Assurances is when partners use words that emphasize each other’s commitment to the duration of the relationship. Networks are communicating with each other’s family and friends. Lastly, sharing tasks are sharing work or household tasks equally, as well as showing appreciation. When an individual has destiny beliefs they believe in soulmates, true love, and love at first sight. They won’t maintain and work for a relationship if they feel that the partner isn’t the right one for them. Most times, if there is fighting or conflicts in the relationship they won’t talk about them, work through them, and will most likely terminate the relationship. Whereas growth believers don’t let first impressions get in the way and like to build up to a great stable relationship. They will fight for their relationship and work through conflicts. Termination is the last thing on their mind because they want to maintain their relationship in a healthy way. Individuals tend to have expectations or ideals of what they want in a relationship before they are even in one, (Weigel et al, 2016). When destiny believers have high expectations that aren’t met, they terminate the relationship instead of continuing. However, growth believers will adapt and change their expectations slightly to pursue a romantic relationship. The five romanticism constructs are love finds a way to conquer all, for each person there is one and only one romantic match, the beloved will meet one’s highest ideals, love can strike at first sight, and we should follow our heart rather than our mind when choosing a partner, (Knee, 1998). These all closely relate to destiny beliefs. People who have destiny beliefs are more likely to follow the romanticism constructs even if they aren’t aware of them.

RQ: How do destiny beliefs affect the outcomes of romantic relationships?

There are many answers to this question. My research focuses more on the how than the why. So instead of finding out clear reasons why destiny beliefs affect the outcomes of romantic relationships, my research indicates how individuals who are more prone to destiny beliefs, don’t have long healthy relationships because of their beliefs. Possible conclusions I can find are individuals who selected destiny beliefs, don’t participate in maintenance behaviors, and tend to give up easy if they think the partner isn’t the right one. Another conclusion I can find is individuals who selected growth beliefs are more likely to use maintenance behaviors and don’t let first impressions ruin their chances of proceeding with a relationship.

Method

Participants

This survey was made to be answered by all types of individuals whether or not they have been in a relationship. The survey consisted of 23 participants. Individuals of all ages participated in the survey, but the most common age groups were under 18 and 18-24. There were 8 participants who fell under the 18-24 age group. I surveyed both male and female participants, but females were the majority with 16. I did not survey the race or ethnicity of the participants because it did not seem relevant to my research, due to culture not being involved. However, if this research was more extensive culture could play a big role in helping form the research. When asked what the participants current relationship status was, the majority were single at 10, in a relationship at 6, and married at 5.

Procedure

The survey consisted of 17 questions, 3 of those being demographic questions and the rest being rating scales. The participants of this survey were recruited through text messages, email, and direct messages on social media with a link of the survey that was sent to them. This survey was peer reviewed by fellow classmates for understanding and consistency.

Results

The survey results clarified my assumptions about destiny believers and growth believers. Most of the individuals that were surveyed favored growth beliefs over destiny beliefs. As you can see in figure 1, most participants selected strongly agree for growth beliefs whereas only one individual chose strongly agree for destiny beliefs. Growth beliefs had no disagrees, where has destiny beliefs were common for individuals to disagree with. Destiny beliefs also were more indecisive, with a selection from 8 participants choosing neither agree nor disagree.

One of the main aspects of destiny beliefs is they believe that there is a right match for everyone. Looking at figure 2, most of the participants agree that there is a right match for everyone. However, when looking at individual results, most of the participants who chose strongly agree also felt very strongly for destiny beliefs. Participants who chose strongly disagree for if the believe there is a right match for everyone, also felt very strongly for growth beliefs. This proves that people with destiny beliefs believe there is a right match for everyone more strongly than those who support growth beliefs.

Another question was how difficult the participants think finding the right match is. Oddly enough, almost all the answers came back as difficult or extremely difficult. These results support my research question since the participants who were destiny believers think there is a right match for everyone, but finding that right match is deemed difficult.

First impressions play a major role in how individuals feel and think about each other. To further my research, I asked my participants if they let first impressions determine the rest of the relationship. A majority were indecisive, but most disagreed, mainly those who have growth beliefs. Those who agreed, had destiny beliefs.

When participants were asked if they used maintenance behaviors during a relationship, most selected sometimes. Individuals who selected always or often were those who had growth beliefs. However, when asked how important they think the usage of maintenance behaviors were, almost all selected extremely important. They were asked in separate survey questions, the likeliness of how they use maintenance behaviors. Positivity and tasks were the most common, with 12 in extremely likely. Openness and assurances were both at 13 for likely. Networks were the least common maintenance behaviors with 4 at extremely likely, 9 at likely, and 3 at unlikely.

Discussion

Most of my participants had stronger growth beliefs than destiny beliefs. This means that my survey was faulting accurate information to determine how destiny beliefs truly affect the outcomes of romantic relationships. However, certain parts of this data, supported my research question. The results for the question, “do you believe there is a right match for everyone,” supported my research question. The majority who agreed were destiny believers. When an individual believes there is a right match for everyone, they tend to terminate the relationship very early on, if they don’t think the partner, is their right match. The problem with this is that they aren’t giving the relationship time. I believe that individuals don’t show their true self right away and must get comfortable with the other person. Which is where the first impressions come into play and how destiny believers focus their ideas of a person solely on the persons first impression. If you give up in a relationship right away, then you won’t know if the person was the right one and you could potentially be losing the right match. Destiny believers think that the right match is someone who they connect with right away, kind of like a love at first sight situation. In addition, destiny believers also think that finding the right match is difficult. This is because they don’t fight or maintain the relationship, so in effect, they never take the time to find their right match, resulting in them not finding their right match. One of my most surprising results was the usage of maintenance behaviors. It is common for destiny believers to not use maintenance behaviors because if they feel that they have found the right person for them, they believe they won’t have to maintain the relationship because it will supposedly go smoothly. They believe that if a relationship starts to have conflict, then they aren’t compatible with each other anymore. The survey questions about maintenance behaviors did not support my research question. Both destiny believers, who normally don’t use maintenance behaviors, and growth believers, who do, selected that they use maintenance behaviors. Maintenance behaviors are an important part of romantic relationships because it helps keep it strong and long. Since, destiny believers don’t fight for a relationship to continue when there’s conflict and they think that they don’t need to support the relationship with maintenance behaviors, it was interesting to find that the participants of my survey, regardless of their beliefs, all thought the usage of maintenance behaviors were important. This topic closely relates to interpersonal communication because it is between two individuals and how their relationships end up. They have to communicate and maintain their relationship in order to endure a long term relationship.

There were definitely some things that would need to be done differently in this survey, to better the results. An example is I would make the participants of my study more specific. They would have to be in a relationship or have been in one before. I would try to aim for people who are more likely to have destiny beliefs to further support my research question. Regarding the survey questions, I would make it where individuals couldn’t choose both growth beliefs and destiny beliefs. Instead of asking separately, “would you consider yourself to have growth/destiny beliefs,” I would ask “would you consider yourself to have destiny beliefs or growth beliefs,” in one question. This would make it so that participants have to choose the one they feel relates to them more closely. Overall, my results supported my research question and allowed me to interpret how destiny believers don’t have long term relationships because of their beliefs and way they treat romantic relationships.

References

Knee, C. R. (1998). Implicit Theories of Relationships: Assessment and Prediction of Romantic Relationship Initiation, Coping and Longevity. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 74(2), 360-370. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.74.2.360

Weigel, D. J., Lalasz, C. B., Weiser, D. A. (2016). Maintaining Relationships: The Role of Implicit Relationship Theories and Partner Fit. Communication Reports, 29(1), 23-34. doi: 10.1080/08934215.2015.1017653

Wrench, J.S., Punyanunt-Carter, N.M., & Thweatt, K.S. (2020). Interpersonal communication: A mindful approach to relationships. Milne Open Textbooks: https://milnepublishing.geneseo.edu/interpersonalcommunication